Professional life coach & personality specialist
If you are serious about taking more control of your life, your emotions and your destiny then I hope you will find this page of interest. I work with people who are realising they want more out of life but are not sure of where to start, how to motivate themselves or struggle finding a compelling vision for their future.
There are so many names currently used to categorise personal development – goal setting, personal growth, mentoring, confidence building, business coaching, executive coaching, personal coaching, the list goes on, I don’t really like any of the names, to me, the least bad of the bunch is coaching, so that’s the label I am going to use.
It doesn’t mean I know what is right or wrong, or what you should do – However, it does mean that I can help you re-evaluate your character and deal with any emotional baggage or self limiting beliefs and give you a framework to begin exploring just what it is you want from life and give you back the power to believe in yourself.
There seems to be a bit of a stigma attached to getting help with life skills and goal setting (certainly in the UK) but, if you think about it, the majority of senior business people I know, eagerly search routes to learn more about themselves and how to set realistic goals for themselves and their companies. They visit Director Associations, Chamber of Commerce events, Academies for Chief Executives, breakfast networking meetings etc. and many of them have coaches or mentors too, often spending thousands of pounds each year to enable them to achieve what they want to achieve.
These coaches don’t tell them what to do – they provide a framework of support, by listening, motivating and applying psychological knowledge to help the individual become far more self aware of their strengths and weaknesses, then helping them to grow in chosen areas in a way that works for them.
As I see it, it doesn’t matter if you are the head of a large organisation like BP or the head of a small organisation like your family, we can all benefit from taking a step back, planning what we want and exploring what emotional skills would be needed to make that vision happen.
Ask yourself the following questions:
- What do you want to happen to you in 2013?
- What are you prepared to do differently to get it?
- What are you willing to give up?
- Who have you shared these dreams with?
- What’s the reward for doing it?
- What are the consequences for not doing it?
Do you have clear and concise answers to those questions? Probably not, or you wouldn’t be reading this page! The reality is, there are a few people who just know what they want and they have the confidence to go and get it, some people know what they want, but lack the motivation or confidence to make it happen. Which leaves the majority of people, who are at various stages of knowing (or not) what they want from life, in my experience, they mostly know what they don’t want, rather than what they do. Which group would you place yourself in at this present time?
I believe there are 4 key stages in re-evaluating where you are and where you want to go. Firstly, becoming more self aware, then understanding more about other people, thirdly definition of your values and beliefs, then, finally, definition of your goals and vision.
Important note: – Goals, visions and dreams don’t have to be huge (although they can be) they just need to inspire you and make you feel good on the journey to achieving them. Let’s look at these four stages in a little more detail.
We humans have a unique ability for creating our own suffering and so much of what we think we are, is often based on outdated and erroneous information. For example; many people tell me that they ‘openly speak their mind’ they then proceed to tell me that ‘being liked’ is very important to them. And they are right, if that is what they feel, however, there is an obvious conflict in that particular scenario, because if a person did truly speak their mind, then they wouldn’t mind if another person did not like them.
This can be expanded to say – if they really thought they were always speaking their mind, they may have been doing it in such a way that did not offend the other person and thus they would not be truly expressing their full inner emotions, subsequently they would have tempered their message and might not have got the results they were looking for. (although they thought they had truly spoken their mind!)
There are many of these intricate conflicts that go on inside our minds, becoming aware of them is the first step in personal growth. Once you become aware of your native true character and the initial conflicts have been balanced out, it is time to realise that you can ‘play’ any type of character or the right type of character for any differing circumstances that you may be experiencing.
A good example of this may be drawn from the previous illustration – if being liked was really important to you and you needed to speak your mind assertively, you might follow the line of thought that said – I will (just for this event) be the type of person who did speak my mind and I will not emotionally beat myself up if the other person does not like me (for that moment). Of course, this works in reverse too, so someone who is often forceful may become more empathetic in a situation, as that may allow it to have more of a beneficial outcome to all.
This ability to become more of an emotional chameleon, whilst acknowledging your core values (more about this later) gives you more confidence, in more situations and greatly increases the amount of influence you have in any social transaction.
Realising and learning that it is OK to feel good, to love yourself and to do what you want, is not selfish, it becomes the enabler that allows you to love more, care more and achieve more.
Awareness of other people
I hear it said very often ‘Treat people the way YOU would like to be treated’ – this has merit but is surely outdated? As you develop and grow the mantra needs to change to become ‘Treat people the way that THEY want to be treated’. The reality is that there are many differences we are faced with; religious, social, cultural and just because you like one thing it doesn’t mean that everyone does.
As you become more aware of your own (new balanced) personal characteristics, I introduce the key personality types that we typically encounter on a daily basis and we explore what drives them and how they view the world.
Because as you change, you also need to be able to emotionally ‘connect’ with everyone around you – seeing things from their point of view (as well as yours) and finding solutions that are satisfactory to all and with the most appropriate outcomes.
Values and beliefs
We all have values and beliefs, even if we can’t actually write them down. They are what allow you to do things and they can stop you in your tracks too.
Holding a powerful belief, even when the results you’re looking for don’t seem to come in, is critical. It’s your job to maintain and hold your values and beliefs as strongly as you can. Despite a lack of physical evidence in the moment, or even in the face of criticism or disbelief from people around you, hold your belief. Know that you can never connect to a dream without at the same time having the ability to manifest that dream into reality.
I take you through my values elicitation process, here you clearly understand and document your values, prioritise them, then explore what other values may help you to move forward – confidence, health, forgiveness etc.
Where you have beliefs that are negative or holding you back we work closely to change these (at your unconscious level) and replace these – for example; changing ‘I can’t’ to ‘I can’t yet’ or ‘I will be able to when X happens’. NLP is a powerful tool for working with feelings and beliefs.
Intentions, goals and visions
Armed with your new self awareness, understanding of people, a definitive understanding of your values and beliefs, the next step is to explore and document your goals (large and small) and create a vision that is compelling and one that you are happily drawn towards. It is not easy, however, I have a range of tools and techniques that will allow you to slowly understand what is important to you (sometimes these things shouldn’t be rushed).
Let’s remember that the joy is in the journey, not simply in the attainment of our goals. Savour the process of discovery and be in the present moment. That is where the magic happens. Once the unconscious mind has a clear and positive map of all the things that you really do want, it seems to just naturally take you towards those outcomes.
During the coaching process we use a whole range of differing tools and techniques from psychometric profiling right through to hypnosis and NLP, whatever it takes to move you forward. I work in an open and enthusiastic manner and where possible I will teach you as many of the techniques as possible so they are there for you at anytime.
Coaching can be done face to face or by phone – whatever suits you best.
Life coaching – what’s the next step?
Give me a call and we can talk about what you are looking for it’s free and you are under no obligation – call me.