How do you want to be loved?

Do you know how you want to be loved?

So here is my thought for today…..

Do the people in your life love you the way you want to be loved?

Think about it. Do you even know how you want to be loved? Do you know how they want to be loved? Do you even know what love is?

So many questions… However, I think that experiencing love is something that (for many) is an important aspect of happiness and an emotion that we seek, so today I thought I would outline a few observation about this topic.

Three simple questions that may change the way you love

Just for fun, ask yourself the following three questions, actually write the answers down

  1. Who is in front of me and how do (I think) they want to be loved?

  2. Who am I and how do I want to be loved?

  3. How can I train those around me to love me the way I want to be loved?

Because there are so many different ways people wish to experience love:

  • Some want to be listened to
  • Some wish to be protected
  • some wish to be enabled
  • Some wish to be told they are loved
  • Some wish to see (by others actions) that they a loved
  • Some need to receive presents
  • Some need space and time alone
  • Some need a constant connection
  • Some need to be reassured
  • Some need to be encouraged
  • Some need physical contact
  • Some need emotional contact
  • Some need family around them
  • Some need children
  • Some need pets
  • Some need food
  • Some need adventure

The list goes on and on because we are all different.

So, the focus becomes “How Can I love Them The Way They Want To Be Loved?” Rather than just assuming everyone is the same, how can we ask them how they want to be loved rather than just guessing?

Let me give you an example:

A caring daughter arrives at her caring mother’s house for coffee and upon arrival, the daughter says “let me make the coffee Mum.” “No, no I’ll do it,” says the Mum. They both want to serve the other – Why? Because it makes them feel good to serve the other, it is an expression of the way they wish to love, however, one will have to back down and won’t be able to express her love by providing for the other.

I know this is a very simple example but it is important to be able to spot these events as they happen all the time. Perhaps in that example the woman who had the most emotional intelligence would just say “Thank you, I’d love a coffee” and she would allow the other woman to express her love through that action – this in itself is a form of loving action.

Another example might be a man who says to his wife “I’ve done all the gardening because I know you love it neat and tidy” when, in fact, all she wanted was to be held, or to be listened to? Sometimes we work hard at loving them, but we are missing the point of how they want to be loved.

Therefore, if you can understand how you want to be loved and then gently tell the other person what you need – it will help them to focus their love in a way that works for you (thus for them too). Or? It will highlight that there are some problems in the relationship that can be worked on or let go of.

If you are interested in exploring these many aspects of understanding how people need love in different ways depending on who they are, how they were raised, what their personality type is or any of 100 other factors, give me a call on 01280 731155 because I would love to work with you so you can know who you are and how you really would like to be loved.

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