Help to overcome feelings of jealousy

A little jealousy, occasionally, is a natural emotion and can be positive in small doses, but if left unchecked it can become intense, irrational and very destructive. If you can stop being jealous a new form of confidence can begin to grow within you and this can be very liberating.

When you say “I’m jealous” – it is often the result of an overactive imagination coupled with low self-esteem or some other insecurity. When these two senses (visions and feelings) collide it can leave you flooded with ugly thoughts about imaginary or exaggerated scenarios, which are usually way out of proportion with reality.

These feelings make you jealous – emotionally susceptible and likely to completely over-react at the smallest comment or action (usually from a loved one) regarding issues that just seem to fuel those imagined scenarios.

Feeling jealous – a victim strategy?

It can be hard work too, jealous people tend to have an unconscious strategy in place that works a bit like this: When that person does that thing, it makes me feel bad, so, if I stop that person from doing that thing, then I’ll feel good – It is a strategy, but not a great one, because it means that your happiness is dependent on what somebody else does (or doesn’t) do – it places you in the position of being a victim. It is also very hard to control or change another person, it’s often easier to reflect on who you are and what you want – and look at ways that you can grow your own self-awareness and confidence – so, whatever happens – you’ll be fine.

If you experience jealousy problems, it’s as if a ‘suspicious mind’ is unconsciously managing your jealous feelings and this can lead to conflict over the smallest action or comment, if these jealous feelings are not treated it can lead to lots of anger and bitterness festering in each partner or even the failure of a potentially sound relationship.

Jealousy is very complex and can be different in each of us; primarily it is a complex reaction to a perceived threat to a valued relationship. Unlike envy, feeling jealous always involves a fear of loss and at least three people.

In relationships where jealous feelings are mild and occasional, it reminds the couple not to take each other for granted. It can encourage couples to appreciate each other and make a conscious effort to make sure the other person feels valued.

Although most commonly discussed in the context of sexual and romantic relationships, jealousy can also be present between other groups of people – for example, in family situations where sisters or brothers compete against each other for the attention of a parent and one may feel left out, jealous of the (perhaps perceived) attention others may get.

Don’t get jealous get help

In the majority of cases these unhelpful feelings stem from the immense love of a partner and the fear of losing them, however, by controlling them to ‘protect them’ often leads to conflict. So, during the therapy for jealousy sessions, we begin to explore your intentions and introduce the reality that, in love, one needs to let go and trust!

To let go, you need to be confident and in control of your self-esteem, using hypnotherapy and a range of NLP techniques I can help you to rebuild your positive self-image, from this alone you will see a marked change in your partner’s behaviour (and yours).

We then explore the triggers to your emotional reactions, now and from the past; releasing any old negative jealous feelings and out of date beliefs you may have about yourself.

Often we run unconscious programs in our minds; these are feelings that when triggered by certain events flood our body almost uncontrollably. Through hypnosis and therapy for jealousy, I can interrupt these old responses and work with you to install new more appropriate responses for this time in your life.

Tips to overcome your jealousy

One treatment is to ask your partner for reassurance, share your insecurities in an open way and ask them to help you. It can be embarrassing to admit you are the victim of your jealous feelings; however, acceptance is a good start to getting change.

Explore the events and triggers that make you jealous and ask yourself how realistic the threat is. What evidence do you have that your relationship is in danger? And is your behaviour actually making the situation worse? Note what words you are using in your mind and notice what feelings you are experiencing – can you label them?

Talk to yourself positively, when you start feeling the twinges of jealousy, remind yourself that your partner loves you, is committed to you and does respect you. Tell yourself you’re a loveable person and that nothing’s going on.

Bite your lip, take a moment before making any small comment or giving a ‘look’ count to 10 and see how you feel after the moment has passed – don’t let it make you jealous immediately, interrupt the old patterns you used to run.

Coping with a jealous partner

Having a jealous partner can be frustrating and very exhausting and often can begin to affect your own self-esteem. Here are some ideas that may help ease their jealousy:

Think of the problem in a different way; remember that jealousy is a sign of love. If your partner didn’t value your relationship, you wouldn’t be having this problem. Rather than becoming defensive, try to be understanding and supportive.

Check your behaviour, if you know that certain behaviours trigger your partner’s feelings, try to change them if you can, or try to minimise this type of behaviour until the problem has been overcome. Be sure to stick to any agreements you’ve made, too, but avoid making promises you’ll find difficult to keep, such as always being contactable.

Build your partner’s confidence, be sure to take every opportunity to tell your partner how much you love them and why you wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. Give lots of compliments and talk about the wonderful future you’re looking forward to spending with them.

If you know that you are trustworthy and honest, yet you find that you are adopting more and more strange and restrictive actions to appease your partner – when those actions begin to make you feel bad and are not congruent with who you are – you really need to stop and discuss this in detail with someone.

Call me, let’s talk about it and get some new more positive feelings.

Anxiety, OCD & Depression

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