Can you answer that question?
What is missing in my life? So many clients tell me that something is missing from their lives – and when I ask them what it is they say “I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on it, it just feels like something is missing.” Some say that life is unfair or there are so many things that they have to do, whilst others say that you need to run faster and faster to keep up with the world and the demands of life. Other clients tell me that life is great, fine job, loving relationship, wonderful children, fun friends, yet still something is missing (and they don’t know what it is.)
So many people say the same thing (including myself 10 years ago) “I don’t know what it is, but, something is missing.” Why are so many people saying the same thing? What do they want? How can they discover what it is? If they found it how might they feel? So many questions, so many things to think about, so much internal dialogue racing around in their minds, so much pressure to perform, to provide, to be successful, to be good enough….. To live up to the expectations of how they ‘should’ be and what they ‘should’ do – to be a good person, a good boy, a good girl. (Makes my head spin just typing this.)
If we break it all down what we are looking for is a feeling, if I am good enough, that’s a feeling, if I am successful that’s a feeling, if they love me that’s a feeling, if I get that new car (shoes, dress, cake, house, partner) that’s a feeling.
It is the feelings that we are searching for and we have been domesticated by life, by the media, by school and business to believe that it is the action that defines you; it is by material gain that you become successful and are good enough. It’s true to a degree because if you get that new car you might feel good for a while, but what happens after a year, what happens when you have to repay the loan, what happens if your friend gets a better car? Your good feelings become dependent on so many external factors, external factors that are out of your control – and we lose that good feeling, so need to run faster to prove ourselves in new ways so we can feel good enough again.
So many of our emotions are attributed to beliefs that we have about how we should be, how other people should be, how the world should be, how life should be. And these beliefs (on the whole) are what we have been trained to accept. Who said that being successful is good? Who said that you should not run around naked? Who said that it is wrong to put yourself first? Who said that you have to work long hours? Who said if you love you’ll get hurt? Who said you should hide your emotions? Who said don’t let them see you cry?
Find out what is missing in my life
Basically, we spend most of our adult life suppressing our feelings, sucking it in; hiding our emotions because ‘they’ trained us to believe that is how we should be. As children we didn’t act this way we cried when we wanted something, we ran around naked and unselfconscious, we hugged and loved, explored and accepted – we were free to feel any emotion and any feeling without a voice in our head telling us that it was good or bad, or that we shouldn’t be doing a certain thing, we just followed our hearts and naturally did the things that just made us feel good – there didn’t need to be a reason, there didn’t need to be any thinking or logical analysis running around in our mind.
You could say at that young age we didn’t have any fear and the only stories that zoomed around in our mind were about exploring, discovering and connecting with those around. Then…. As we grew we became trained to be fearful “don’t go near the road, don’t talk to strangers, be quiet, that’s not good enough, you should try harder, your sister doesn’t do that…” Of course there is good intention behind these comments; however, they setup beliefs in your mind that may stay with you forever – when in fact they were meant for you when you were a child. What they meant was don’t talk to strangers whilst you are a child!
As we emotionally grow it becomes obvious that the ‘missing’ thing is inner joy, happiness, they are feelings of compassion, respect, calm and gratitude – they are ways of being that we once had as a child and became hidden through our domestication to live in this ‘scary’ world. We learned to believe that we could only get these feelings again once we had succeeded, become the best boss, the best lover, the best parent, the best…. fill in the blank.
However from this point of view you need affirmation from others that you are good enough to get that feeling you unknowingly crave – the irony is they can give you affirmation that you are good enough, and they can take it away too.
I guess the message I want to impart to you is; when you are looking for something, yet are unsure of what it is – perhaps it’s a feeling, an emotion. It might not be Mr Right you are looking for, rather the feeling of being loved. It may not be the need to be wealthy, moreover, the need to feel monetarily secure.
As you realise it is the emotion that you are looking for, and that, your beliefs may be out of date, it is possible to recognise the conflict we have between our desires for the very feelings that we have repressed due to the way we were taught to behave in the world.
Our mind no longer needs to analyse everything looking for an answer to the question “what do I need?” Our minds just need to be quiet and those feelings just arise again, as they did when we were children. It is possible to then observe the beliefs we have bought into and the games we were taught to play to feel good enough.
If this makes sense to you, I’d love to help you understand what is missing in my life – unravel your own beliefs, fears and insecurities that are holding you back from finding that final missing piece of your life. Give me a call on 01280 823059 and we can talk about it.
Motivation to take action – recording
This is a professionally produced clinical hypnotherapy based anxiety MP3 recording that uses a mixture of hypnosis, metaphoric storytelling and advanced NLP techniques to gently and safely update your unconscious mind with new attitudes towards finding more motivation and inspiration to take actions and change your life, thoughts and behaviours.
click on image to find out more.